Double Date
by Oxymoronic Alliteration
Summary: Tony invites Tim on a double date with two beautiful women, but Tim isn't sure that Tony is really looking out for him. Written for the NFA Community Near Brothers Challenge.


**Quick Note:** This takes place in Season 3 (so pre-Thom E. Gemcity/_DeepSix_ and everything)

* * *

"McGee! My buddy, my man! What are you up to tonight?"

Tim stared incredulously at his cell phone. He double checked the display to make sure that the person on the other end was in fact Anthony DiNozzo, the man who spent his days tormenting Tim and his nights thinking up new ways to torment Tim. "Uh, Tony?"

"Who else would it be?"

"Since when are you interested in my evening plans?" He could sense Tony putting on an innocent smile on the other end.

"I'm hurt, Tim," he said in an overly dramatic tone. His use of Tim's first name–not McGee or McGeek or Probie or any other teasing nickname–was especially odd and did not go unnoticed. "We're pals! I'm always interested in your life. So I repeat: What are you up to tonight?"

Tim pondered the question for a good bit before he began to respond. "Well, I–"

"I'll tell you what you're up to," Tony interjected before Tim could form a coherent sentence. "You're going to hang with your old pal Tony."

Hang? Pal? Tim's eyes narrowed to slits, suddenly sensing that he was about to be conned if he wasn't careful. "How much is this going to cost me, Tony?"

"Not a cent."

"Okay, then how embarrassing is it going to be for me?"

"Embarrassing? I don't think that going on a date with a beautiful woman is embarrassing, McGee."

"Date with a beautiful woman?" he repeated. That grabbed Tim's interest, though it did not completely rid him of any skepticism. "Let's quit the song and dance, Tony. Just tell me what the catch is."

"No catch, McGee! I was just sitting here thinking 'Boy, wouldn't McGee like to–'"

"Tony!"

There was a pause on the other line and Tim could just imagine Tony's mind racing as he tried to figure out how to best get whatever it was he wanted. "Okay, McGee, I'll level with you. Earlier today I met a particularly beautiful woman and asked her out."

Tim furrowed his brows, not sure what this story had to do with him. "And you want me to go out with her instead? Won't she notice that I'm not you?"

"That's _not_ what I'm asking," Tony said with a laugh, as though the entire idea were ridiculous. "The problem is that her sister just moved to town and she doesn't want to leave her alone, so she asked if I could find a date for her sister."

"And you thought of me?" Tim grinned in surprise, happy that he had been the first option for this double date.

"…Uh…yeah! Of course I thought of you," Tony responded in a tone that just screamed "You're the only guy I know who doesn't already have a date tonight!" "She showed me a picture of her sister and she's a total hottie," Tony assured. "So don't worry, I've got your back!" Tony gave him the name and address of the restaurant. "We have a reservation for 7:00pm. I'm picking up the girls and meet you there. It'll be my treat, okay?"

Tim sighed. "Fine, I'll be there." He paused, a thought coming to him. "What would you have done if I'd already had plans for tonight?"

"Ha!" Tony snickered. "I think the other online fairies can live without you for one night, Elf Lord. See you tonight!" And with that he hung up, leaving a pouting and red-faced Tim on the other end. He didn't want to admit it, but Tony hadn't been far off in his assumptions.

Tim slid into the chair at his writing desk. The typewriter had fresh paper in it, paper waiting to be marred by letters. He really didn't want to spend the night writing as he had the previous few nights. It was growing into a monotonous routine and he feared that if he didn't do something different he would grow less and less inspired. A change of pace would be good for him.

"It'll be good for me to get out," he said aloud to himself. "I don't think I could even churn out another page tonight anyway." _Besides, who am I to turn down a date, especially with a beautiful woman_?

* * *

Tim showed up at the restaurant ten minutes early and wasn't surprised to see that Tony wasn't there yet. He stood outside to wait for them, swaying back and forth on his feet. Tony hadn't told him how "hip" of place the restaurant was, so when it came time to get dressed he had decided to be safe with his usual suit and tie that he wore to the office. Now that he was here he could see he was out of place amongst the chicly dressed patrons, but it had been between that and jeans and his MIT shirt. _I guess I don't have much variety in my wardrobe selection_, he thought wryly as a man dressed in designer jeans and a designer button-up walked past him.

He saw Tony's car drive in and park. Moments later, his colleague walked out from behind the rows of cars, dressed in black slacks, a dark green dress shirt, and a black blazer. On his right arm was a tall, brunette woman who wore a black denim skirt, a black halter top, and stiletto heels; on his left was a slightly shorter redhead who wore skin-tight dark jeans, a red top with a plunging neckline, and stiletto black boots. Both women were beautiful and both were laughing at something he had just said, looking at him with a sense of adoration that caused Tim to feel slightly envious.

The young agent raised his hand in the air to catch their attention as they approached. "I figured I'd wait to be seated until we were all here," he explained, looking back and forth between the two women. He wasn't sure yet which was his date, but he would be happy with either.

"McGee, I'd like you to meet Rani Swanson, your date for the evening," Tony said, gesturing to the redhead. "Rani, this is Timothy McGee, a good friend of mine."

Tim smiled and extended his hand to the young woman. "How do you do?"

Rani took it lightly and Tim could see a flash of disappointment in her eyes. His stomach dropped, realizing that he wasn't what she was expecting. "Hi," she said curtly, dropping his hand as quickly as possible.

"And this gorgeous lady," Tony continued, completely oblivious to Rani's reaction to her date, "is Carmen Swanson, Rani's older sister." Carmen gave Tim an almost dour look as they exchanged greetings. She shot her sister a smug smile and tightened her grip on Tony, almost as if to say "Ha! I got the good one!"

Tim continued to smile politely as the women looked at him in disdain, though his stomach was churning. They entered the restaurant, Tony and the women in front and Tim trailing behind. _I should have just stayed in_.

The date went from bad to worse as they were seated at a small table near the back. The lights were dim with only an electric blue glow emanating from wall fixtures and the music was ear-splitting, even for someone like Tim who spent a good portion of his work time in Abby's lab. So far Rani hadn't even bothered to so much as look at him again, even when he pulled her chair out for her. He sighed as he fell into the seat beside her and buried his face in the menu to avoid having to acknowledge her lack of interest.

"I'll just have a glass of water," he muttered when the waiter came by to take their drink orders.

"Water? McGee, you don't have to order water just because I'm paying."

"Believe me, DiNozzo, saving you money is the last thing on my mind," Tim told him with a bitter edge to his voice. Either Tony didn't notice that Tim had become some kind of a fourth wheel on this date, or he simply didn't care. He hoped it was the former. "So what do you do?" he asked Rani, determined not to let this girl freeze him out.

Rani looked up with a sneer, as though Tim's question had just ruined her night. "I model. Both of us do."

"I moved to D.C. because it's cheaper than New York, but close enough to go to jobs and auditions," Carmen explained to Tony as though he had been the one to ask the question, "and my little sister followed as soon as she graduated high school."

"And what about you, Tony?" Rani asked. "I know you're a federal agent, but how exactly did you get here? Did you go to college?"

Tony basked in the glow of their attention. "I was a Phys Ed major at Ohio State."

"He played football," Carmen told her sister.

"Yeah, I probably could have gone pro," Tony said to the enraptured sisters, "but I decided to give back to my country by going into law enforcement."

"Oh, that is _so_ wonderful of you," Rani said as though Tony had just claimed to have rescued children form a burning orphanage. "So many men just don't care about their fellow human beings and that is so sad." Sensing her sister's interest, Carmen snaked her arm around Tony's shoulder protectively.

"Well, you know McGee went to MIT," Tony said generously, catching his friend's sour look. "And John Hopkins."

Tim had to keep from snorting. The sisters probably had no idea what MIT was. _Heck, they probably couldn't even _spell_ MIT_, he thought, bitterly tearing them down in his mind. But, as before, he smiled politely and nodded as though to confirm Tony's statement.

'Mmm," Rani said in a bored tone, "that's fascinating."

"Yeah it is," Tony said, either not catching the sarcasm in Rani's voice or simply ignoring it. "Weren't you sixteen when you started at MIT?"

Tim had stopped trying to impress the sisters, well aware that nothing he would say could impress them. "Yes, Tony, I was." He gulped down his water, well aware of the sisters' rolling eyes.

Tony looked back and forth between the duo and Tim. "Uh…Tim's a wizard with computers. We've solved a lot of cases with his computer skills."

"Computer skills?" Carmen scoffed. "Like what? Logging on and googling things?" Rani and Carmen shared a laugh at the thought. "Seriously, what else are the things good for?"

"Actually," Tim put in, "we can monitor a person's online activity for anything suspicious, we can write programs to cross check facts and narrow down searches, we–"

"So have you ever been shot at?" Carmen asked Tony, interrupting Tim as though he hadn't been talking to begin with.

Tony glanced between Carmen and Tim, unsure if he should answer the question or address the obvious issue. "Well, uh, it certainly goes with the territory, but I'm tough enough to take it."

Tim rolled his eyes. "Didn't you say that the first time you were shot at you wet your pants, DiNozzo?" Tony's glare was the first thing to make him truly smile that night.

"Oh you poor thing!" Carmen cooed, wrapping her arms even tighter around Tony. "I can't imagine being shot at. I guess a job in law enforcement is easier when you simply hide behind a computer all day," she commented with a pointed look at Tim. Before he could respond their waiter appeared at the head of the table.

"What can I get for you guys?"

"Nothing," Tim said as he stood. "I'm feeling a little sick so I think I'll just be going home." He nodded to the two women, neither of whom even noticed, before pushing his way through a crowd of people toward the front door.

"Hey, McGee!" He heard Tony calling, but he didn't stop or even slow down until he felt a hand fall on his shoulder. "McGee, where are you going?" Tony pulled the two of them into the hallway near the restrooms.

Tim shrugged the hand from his shoulder. "I don't think Rani will mind if I leave," he said coolly.

"Come on, McGee! We're having fun!"

Tim gave a short laugh. "Yeah, it's all great fun," he said sarcastically as he tried to push past Tony. But the older agent blocked his way.

"Look, I know they're being a bit…"

"Bitchy?"

"…well, I was gonna say 'harsh.' But that's only because they haven't had a chance to get to know you."

"Tony, they don't _want_ to know me. To be quite honest, I don't think I want to know _them_." Tim leaned back against the wall, hands shoved in his pocket. "Look, I know that I'm not the kind of guy who can walk into a room and make all of the women pay attention, but even girls I've known in the past who really weren't interested in me were nice about it and could treat me like a friend if nothing else. Those…girls," he said, as opposed to the word he wanted to use to refer to them, "they want to make sure I know just how much they consider me to be below their standards."

"Oh, come on! Stop acting like a baby, McGee! I understand you're jealous of me–"

"_Jealous_?" Tim cried incredulously. "This isn't jealousy, Tony. Yes, I do envy your confidence and your way with women, I admit that. But I'm not doing this because of jealousy. The fact that you could even think that…" Tim's face was red and he found he wasn't even able to finish the thought. He forcefully shoved Tony away. "I know you tease me and pick on me, but you usually have my back when we're at work. I thought you'd have my back here too," he grumbled as he stalked past, leaving behind a conflicted Tony. "Stupid of me, I know…"

Tony thought about going after Tim. Tony thought about apologizing to Tim. Tony thought about insisting Tim return, assuring him he would tell the girls to lay off. Tony thought about a lot of things, but in the end he simply walked back to the table alone.

"Is he gone?" Rani asked in a hopeful tone.

"Uh…yeah, he wasn't feeling too good, so he went home for the night. Sorry."

She let out a sigh of relief. "Don't be sorry, trust me. I don't mind sharing with my sister." She pulled out a compact mirror and began reapplying her lipstick. "Boy, I knew he was a dud when I saw what he was wearing."

Carmen snorted as she downed her gin tonic. "Did you check out his buzz cut? Is he trying to pass as being in the military or something?"

Rani giggled. "Fat chance. And I do mean _fat _chance. I'll bet he spends his nights playing computer games or those stupid role playing games." She took a sip of her cosmo. "I can't believe that was the best you could get for me," she said to Tony who had grown increasingly uncomfortable.

"Don't blame poor Tony," Carmen admonished. "It was short notice, so I'm sure that was the only one who didn't already have a date."

"Ugh! I just can't believe the two of them are even friends!"

"I'm pretty sure they just work together."

"Hey," Tony cut in, "can you stop talking about me like I'm not here?"

"Aw, I'm sorry," Carmen said with a sweet pout. She leaned in for an apologetic kissed, but Tony ducked away.

"I'll have you know that Tim is a very intelligent and dependable guy. The agency is lucky to have him and I'm lucky to know him."

Rani rolled her eyes. "Tony, calm down. I'm sorry that I picked on…your friend…but he's not exactly the kind of guy who I should be dating."

Tony looked at her in disgust. He rarely felt a desire to strike a woman, but he was almost at that point. "No, he isn't the kind of guy you should be dating. I mean, I'd hate for poor Tim to get herpes or whatever other disease I'm sure you're currently carrying." He leaned in, examining the shocked Rani. "And by the way, has anyone ever told you that your front teeth make you look like a beaver?"

"Tony!" Carmen looked at him in shock. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

He looked at her before pushing his chair back. "I'm getting out of here before you guys steal my soul. Shouldn't you be tending to a boiling cauldron right about now anyway?" He dropped money on the table to pay for what had already been ordered, before strolling out. "Don't stay out when the sun comes up or you'll turn to dust," he warned to them as he left.

* * *

**The man**

That's all Tim had been able to write in the hour since he had gotten back to his apartment. He sat in his desk chair, his chin resting atop his hands. He had changed into a T-Shirt and boxers the moment he had gotten home, wanting to forget that the entire night had ever happened. But he couldn't.

It wasn't the girls. Tim had run into superficial snobs in his life, girls whose idea of attractive was limited to Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp and who would treat him like crap without a twinge of guilt. He had grown used to it, even if he did consider it unfair and unnecessary.

No, what had really stung was the way Tony had sat back and just let it happen. Sure, he had tried to talk up Tim's good qualities to the girls and had made the effort to make Tim comfortable. But when push came to shove, Tony had chosen their sweet smiles over him. In hindsight, maybe Tim shouldn't have been surprised.

He looked up when he heard a knock at the door. It was almost 8:30pm and he couldn't think of anyone who would be coming by at this hour. He pushed himself away from the desk and shuffled over to the door. "Who is it?" he called.

"Room service," a garbled voice responded.

Tim furrowed his brow as he pulled the door open. "Room serv–" He stopped short when he saw Tony standing there with a six pack of soda and a large pizza box in his hands. "What are you doing here? Where are your dates?"

"'Thank you, Tony for the pizza' would be a nicer response, but I'll just assume you're grateful," Tony said as he pushed past into Tim's apartment. "You left before you ate so I figured you might be hungry."

When the smell of the pizza hit his nose, Tim felt his stomach begin to growl. But he wasn't about to admit that to Tony. "I'm fine, DiNozzo. I don't need your pity." His stomach growled again when Tony opened the box to reveal a large pepperoni and sausage pizza.

"Your stomach seems to disagree with you, Probie, and, in all fairness, I think I'll have to trust your stomach." He grabbed a plate from one of the cabinets and plopped a slice onto it. "Here," he offered to Tim, "eat."

"Thanks," Tim replied as he took it. "So where are Cinderella's Step-Sisters?"

"Don't know. Maybe they've turned into pumpkins by now." He hopped up onto the kitchen counter and grabbed a slice for himself. "I started coming down with the same sickness you had and left a couple of minutes later."

Tim smiled. "I guess now you're going to blame me for wrecking your date with my… 'sickness'?"

"Nah, it's not your fault. I think we both caught it from them," Tony said as he chewed. "They were real dogs anyway, weren't they?"

Tim nodded. "In a way, yeah, they were."

Tony looked up at him with a sheepish smile. "I really was an ass, wasn't I?" Tim shrugged, not really agreeing, but not disagreeing either. "Well, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry," Tony said earnestly. "I saw what was going on and tried to ignore it. I didn't defend you the way I should have."

"Thanks, Tony," Tim said appreciatively. "But you obviously said something after I left or else you'd be sitting at the restaurant with two aspiring models rather than sitting here with me."

"Yeah…yeah, I would be," Tony said with a small smile. "I figured it was my duty to save you from becoming a total geek. Well," he added with a smirk, "even _more_ of a total geek than you already are." He slid a soda Tim's way. "See? Aren't you lucky to have me as a friend?"

Tim snorted good-naturedly as he grabbed the soda can. "Yeah, Tony. So lucky." He took a gulp and looked at his friend with a sly grin. "So was it worth it leaving behind two gorgeous woman to come hang out with me?"

Tony closed his eyes. "God, I hope so."

* * *

**AN:** Please note that the opinions of Rani and Carmen **do not** reflect my opinions! :loves her pretty Timmy and hugs him to her chest: Feel free to leave a review!


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